With the UQLS Law Dinner fast approaching, fifth-year student Marcus Johnson (22) is excited to enjoy a night of drinks, dancing, and taking advantage of a rare opportunity to wear black tie.

But for Marcus, the dress code is more than an opportunity for him to shine. It will lay the foundations for the element of his outfit that he is confident will knock people’s socks off (the socks, of course, being tastefully colorful). For Marcus has an ace up his sleeve.

Marcus has a pocket square. And by God, he is well and truly convinced a pocket square is the key line between looking his best, and being an ugly cretin.

‘GQ told me to do it,’ he said, when no-one asked.

‘I’m going to look so fucking dapper,’ he whispered to himself in the mirror when he thought no-one else was watching.

‘A black jacket without a pocket square? You’re fucking kidding yourself, you gutless coward,’ he muttered to a friend who unfortunately confessed he would simply be wearing a black tuxedo without a pocket square.

It doesn’t matter to Marcus that his suit is from Tarocash, hasn’t been dry-cleaned in two years, and has more beer stains than Brett Kavanaugh’s wank sock - if he wears a pocket square, he knows he will be the toast of the dinner.

Best of luck, Marcus. We have some doubts.