Ah, clerkship season.

The time of year that has law students everywhere on edge, wishing they had the perfect GPA, a killer resume, and/or wealthy white parents with good connections (always a safe bet in life if you can get your hand on the third one!)

One student, Justine Chivers (22), recently came to us with an awful recount of her own experiences with the battle for a clerkship. This in and of itself was intriguing, as students rarely want to talk to us, and we instead have to battle for face time with literally everyone.

Justine Chivers is a fourth-year Law/Arts (Astrology Major) student at QUT. It is safe to say she does not really understand the law, and neither does she have an overly strong grasp on reality.

Admittedly, her Instagram bio of ‘Chiver Me Timbers!’ is a pretty funny pirating reference, but immediately ruined by the following description of herself as ‘22. Gemini. Legal student. Queen. Universe reader.’

But that understanding of the universe has reportedly provided her some does, however, understand the universe, so she knows her failure to secure a clerkship this year is far from her own fault. It certainly has nothing do with her 3.8 GPA, her appalling academic record, her dull performance at clerkship drinks, or her insistence on calling a Freehills partner her ‘spiritual angel child.’

Instead, Mercury is at fault, yet again. The bitch is in retrograde.

‘I don’t really have a resume at the moment, so I handed in my birth chart instead,’ she notes.

On this point, something tells us her pesky Taurus Moon was the key factor in her failure to secure the clerkship.

More to come, angel dust.