It’s rare a simple five-word phrase can carry so much meaning, and reveal such a glut of information about the user of the phrase. That phrase is ‘Saturdays are for the boys,’ which in breaking news, was used this weekend by a local man who has literally no other choice.

Lachie Stockton (22), who studies Commerce/Business Management, and dreams of interning for Carlton United Brewing because he ‘loves a frothy,’ is a man with little weekend options.

For the most part, his options are limited, other than drinking beer with the same friends he went to school with, discussing women at length whilst never actually meeting any, and attending the same clubs where he will subsequently yell ‘The boys!’ at an obscene volume any time a remotely interesting song is played by the DJ, who he knew at school, a fact which is constantly escaping his lips.

Despite the fact Lachie is faced with effectively no alternative each and every weekend, he will still relentlessly tell anyone and everyone who will listen that ‘Saturdays are for the boys.’

He often uses an array of swear words to spice up this simple and depressing statement, such as ‘Saturdays are for the fucking boys,’ emphasising just how good the boys are, or ‘Fucking Saturdays are for the boys,’ focusing on the importance of the day itself.

Lachie will often mistakenly say ‘Saturdays are for fucking the boys,’ implying he wishes to have rampant sex with his friends every weekend. If he does, good for him. It’ll probably be a hell of a lot more interesting than a case of Tooheys Extra Dry and conversation which is 80% his friends saying ‘Oi Lach,’ ‘Lachie, you legend,’ or variations on that theme.

As another week dawns, Lachie can barely wait for the weekend to come, and is excited about the prospect of deploying his favourite phrase.

Good luck, mate.