Prime Minister Scott Morrison surprised many in Parliament House this morning when he whipped out a Smith & Wesson revolver and fired three shots straight to the dome of a passing woman. Police say the woman was not known to Morrison.

Morrison has come under fire recently for being seemingly incapable of even referring to a woman without invoking his wife or daughters. However, with the blood spatter still fresh in Parliament’s disgusting green carpet, it appears that Mr Morrison, and the Australian public, truly need Jenny’s input.

While Jenny had previously been able to reach into the cold, dim heart of Mr Morrison and ‘clarify’ to him that rape bad, she was unable to ask him this morning how he would feel if his daughters were murdered. It appears that Mr Morrison’s disturbingly business-like murder of the woman was a direct result of this derelection of duty. God Damn you, Jenny.

Allowed one phone call from his cell at Canberra jail, Morrison chose to ring Jenny rather than his lawyer.

‘I’ve since consulted my daughters, and I have decided that I am indeed sorry for having intentionally caused the death of my colleague’ said an emotional Morrison in his subsequent police interview.

“I absolutely abhor death, Jenny tells me.”

Please god no more to come.