A new regulation passed by Brisbane City Council has reformed the wet weather traffic conditions for Queensland’s capital.

In the case of even the slightest drops of rain, even darkish clouds, any resident of the Greater Brisbane area who owns a vehicle will be required to stop what they’re doing, jump in their car and make a beeline for Coronation Drive.

‘I don’t care if it’s sex or open heart surgery,’ Lord Mayor Graham Quirk said in his daily morning address to the townsfolk below from the clock tower of City Hall.

‘If there’s rain, you stop and get in the car. No ifs, buts, or maybes. You get in that car and hurry to Coronation Drive.’

The mayor continued as chickens squawked and children balanced pails of water in King George Square below.

‘If I so much as hear a rumour that anyone travelling from the western suburbs to the city is able make it to their destination in under two hours fifteen minutes, I will fuck them literally.’

Pushing on from what seems dangerously close to a threat of sexual violence from an elected official, the regulation has been meet with an accepting nod from the general populace.

‘This makes sense,’ said everyone.

Sidenote - I literally wrote this on my phone while sitting on Coro. Write about what you know, am I right. Haha. I heard Kate Tim and Marty from beginning to end. It’s like I listened to an audio book called Wednesday. Smh.

Anyways, more to come. Lmao, hope no one has to get to the airport.