A local bottle of Coles Extra Virgin Olive Oil has some pretty positive comments to make about the latest season of Dan Harmon’s nerdcore masterpiece Rick & Morty, according to shoppers of Coles Alderley this morning.
The humble container of Coles Brand (not Coles Select) Extra Virgin was chirping away to anyone who would listen, and bizarrely, wearing an ill-fitting T-shirt tucked into white jeans, with a pair of white socks tucked into its sandals to match.
Whilst many culinary scientists and food specialists have suggested that the ‘Extra Virgin’ tag has nothing to do with the sexual prowess of the olive oil itself, and rather, refers to the number of pressings the oil has experienced, the evidence seen this morning at the supermarket begs to differ. How else can one realistically explain a literal bottle of olive oil yelling at customers ‘Rick Sanchez is my idol! I’m Pickle Rick, look at me! Pickle Rick, woo! That episode about snakes in Season 4 was actually pretty unreal!’
Befuddling local consumers, many of whom were simply trying to buy local produce and enjoy the sweet sounds of Coles Radio without being interrupted by the aggressive diatribes of an anthropomorphic bottle of olive oil, which was somehow less entertaining that Seth Rogen’s supermarket flop, Sausage Party.
‘Yeah, I was just trying to get some kidney beans for my dialysis treatment,’ reported local grandmother, and keen over-80’s tennis player, Beryl Bethlington (82). ‘And then this bottle of fucking oil, of all things, kept screaming in my ear exactly how much of a genius Dan Harmon is, and wouldn’t shut up about how Jerry is a metaphor for cucked men everywhere.’
‘I mean, get over it, virgin.’
At press time, the olive oil has just discovered Fortnite and vaping, and seems pretty committed to singing the praises of both of those incredibly hot and sexy pursuits.
No more to come.