In frustrating news coming out of Brisbane’s vibrant pub scene, a local glassie has reportedly sighed yet another sigh of exhaustion this Friday night, as he was faced yet again with an enterprising, thoughtful, if somewhat vague young patron absentmindedly asking ‘hey pal, which beer has the lowest carbs?’

Gritting his teeth together, he ran the local punter through her options, weaving a verbal tapestry down the road of Pure Blonde and Burleigh Brewing, before she decided to simply go with a vodka soda.

Whilst that decision made far more sense in terms of calories, it served only to frustrate the beleaguered bartender, Tom Salisbury (21), who currently studies a Bachelor of Paramedics. Whilst he sees many patients in the course of his degree, the real patience he needs (hey!) is the enormous reserves of patience to deal with the four-schooners-deep Friday afternoon crowd who just read a Pedestrian.tv article about the benefits of a low-carb beer.

‘Look, it’s beer. It’s not good for you. Just order a schooner of Toohey’s New and enjoy it,’ Tom told The Obiter in an exclusive interview as he wiped down the bar of Jade Buddha.

‘It’s carbonated yeast and hops-water. I don’t know why people are expecting some miracle health benefit from low-carb beer. It’s not a Powerade, or something,’ he said, misguidedly, although Tom’s crooked grin and bleached-blonde hair meant our interviewer was as turned on as he was confused.

At press time, the young woman who asked Tom the ‘low-carb’ query was recently spotted asking the Uber driver with the Mentos trapped in the backseat ‘was vegan.’

No more to come.