‘Just a flat white then, champ?’

Today, unreal scenes are coming out of Burleigh landmark, the Mermaid’s Chlamydia Cafe & Roastery Company.

A chirpy little blonde surfer kid, who is clearly balancing life in Year 3 with being just a deadset barista, has just looked a forty-four-year-old investment banker square in the eyes and hit him with a devastatingly simple ‘that everything, champion?’

As the sun kissed the sand of Burleigh, social cues were cast aside as this absolutely gutsy little youngster, who is clearly someone’s cousin or brother or something, decided to hurl the middle finger to tradition and just champ the shit out of a stiff looking old bloke.

The investment banker, who we have found is named Robin Harrington (44), which is as wanky as any name one can possess, is absolutely reeling from the comment. His stammering response of ‘um, um, um, yep, just card thanks,’ was hardly the work of a clever, witty genius, and his shaking hands as he pulled out his ING Orange Everyday betrayed the fact that this little surfer rat has done an absolute number on him.

And in an even more embarrassing twist, Mr Harrington had ordered his flat white on ‘skim milk,’ to which this effortlessly cool surfer kid, revealed to be nicknamed ‘Smudge’ to his mates, continued to call ‘skinny.’

‘Just on skinny then, champ?’

‘Ah, yes, yes, um, skim, skim milk, yes,’ stuttered Mr Harrington, his twenty-four years of corporate slavery and no holidays leading to this truly pitiful moment.

‘Gotcha, chief.’

And with that final, devastating blow, the damage was done. Whilst physically Mr Harrington will ingest the caffeine over the next half hour, and have it fully digested by sundown, the mental damage wrought by this incessant ‘champing’ truly knows no bounds.

No more to come.