The Australian political landscape has today been rocked by revelations that one party has managed to be in power for the last eighteen years, and influence policy to a degree never seen before - despite never winning a Federal or State election.

This group of nefarious, shadowy powerbrokers who some are nicknaming ‘The Greens’ have been able to effectively govern on a platform of ‘fuck the farmers,’ and ‘let Australia burn’ for over eighteen years, whilst never being once discovered by the party who has supposedly been in government.

‘They just let us get away with it for so long,’ said one anonymous Greens member, who goes by the name of ‘Mugabe Had A Point’ online. ‘It’s crazy! We were intentionally making policy to ensure Australia burns in 2020, and despite the fact we were literally not in government once, it all stuck! What?!’

Prominent political commentators have poked holes in this intriguing conspiracy, hysterically claiming that ‘this is not how government works,’ and ‘genuinely, how can you make policy if you are not in power.’ But that sort of intellectual elitism and snobbery won’t fly, when experts on Facebook and Twitter are aggressively claiming that a fringe party well outside of government have been safely handling government responsibilities for decades.

‘This is political success on a scale we’ve never seen before,’ said one gutsy young BAFE student who is clearly just parroting whatever his Dad told him.

‘The Greens have managed to dominate Australian climate and bushfire management policy for the past ten years - despite literally never being in power!’

Intriguing points being made, but let’s remember not to politicise a tragedy, even if that tragedy can directly be traced to policy and political decisions. Just have a beer, how good.

No more to come.