Whilst UQ may have thought they could simply knock down the iconic Schonell Theatre and replace it with whatever they wanted, the power and passion of activism over the recent weeks has seriously highlighted the error of their ways.

An outpouring of responses from students and public figures has highlighted a major flaw in UQ’s redevelopment: people care about the Schonell, and you can’t strip it from the student body without a serious plan for a genuine replacement.

But as Vice-Chancellor Peter Hoj announced today (we couldn’t find a way to do the fucked-up ‘O’ in the middle of his name, apologies), they’ve done better than a mere replacement. They’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty here. They’re going to replace the Schonell Theatre with a sick fucking waterslide. We can’t say it enough: seriously awesome call here, legends. We can’t wait to slip and slide our way down it.

The proposed waterslide will be approximately eleven stories tall, and involve at least twelve twists and turns on its way down. With the appointment of five lifeguards to monitor this dope slide, UQ again plays a wonderfully central role in creating jobs for its students.

We can’t way to see BlackBoard replaced with boardshorts, and tutes replaced with water-slide-tutes. As much as student theater is important, the most crucial thing for a sandstone university is to have a cool, cool waterslide at its heart.

Nice job, Hoj. Did you know your last name spelt backwards is Joh?

Just kidding, legend. Slide away.