A local student has today shocked his close friends and colleague, by unveiling his GPA he describes as ‘Bradmanesque.’ Typically, the ‘Bradmanesque’ moniker refers to a number that is shockingly good, and far above and beyond the average of any rival or competitor.
However, for Chris McGee (22), he seems to have missed this point entirely, forgetting that his 5.8 GPA, whilst pretty good and a testament to his hard work, is not quite on par with Donald Bradman averaging 99.94 in Test cricket, when the nearest rival is averaging 60-odd.
‘Yeah, to be honest, I thought he meant it was going to be like 6.9 or something, like the sex number,’ stated Donald Price, a close friend of Chris’ and a man who was firmly ready to believe in his friend’s freakish success before the actual number was revealed.
Metaphorically raising the bat, the issue of Chris’ GPA arose this morning in a daily Zoom call with his close buddies, a group chat with a Hamilton-inspired name. As he tuned into ‘The Zoom Where It Happens,’ the fellas were calmly discussing whether the university would alter their marking scheme in response to the pandemic. Without batting an eyelid, Chris simply informed the patrons of the Zoom call that it ‘wouldn’t be a problem for him,’ because he is ‘literally the Don of BAFE.’
Wiping spilt Mountain Dew off his BAFE hoodie, Chris was greeted with some fairly blank reactions from his friends.
‘It’s Bradmanesque,’ he insisted, to stunned silence.
‘Fuck you guys, anyway!’ he screamed, before stumbling out to the kitchen to make himself a ‘rise and grind’ breakfast, consisting of one egg white, one black coffee, a cigarette, a handjob, and a whole bottle of Hollandaise sauce.
As he cracked open his laptop and logged onto BlackBoard, in much the same way that Bradman used to stride to the crease at the SCG, Chris prepared to ‘get into the zone’ required to achieve a high 5 or a low 6.
‘Let’s do this,’ he muttered, a trickle of saliva rolling down the side of his mouth and into his computer keyboard, electrifying the contents of his MacBook Air and promptly killing him.
No more to come.