Will Grace Beattie Beat Charlene? And How Will Charlene Kope?

This is the question on everyone’s mind as we enter a crucial week for anyone who cares about justice and the law.

Another question on everyone’s mind this week might also be: what is the JATL?

Just A Tad Legal?

James Arthur The Legend?

Just Ate Ten Lemons?

Is it JATZ spelled incorrectly?

No—Justice and the Law, you fool.

A society that reminds us that law is more than just mooting, making a shit tonne of money, and becoming a corporate drone. It’s about justice and other cool, big ideas.

So, if you’re a good person and care about justice, you should care about who is elected as Justice President this Friday. (If you’re a terrible person who doesn’t like justice, this probably isn’t the article for you, but we guarantee The Obiter has plenty of other heinous articles you’d enjoy reading instead).

Grace Beattie will face Charlene Ko in the JATL AGM this Friday in what will probably be a really fair and just presidential race. 

Grace Beattie is an organised, just, and hardworking person with a track record of commitment. If maintaining a healthy 5-year long-distance relationship with her boyfriend over FaceTime calls and remote Uber Eats deliveries isn’t enough to prove her loyalty—I’ll be damned.

Charlene Ko is also an organised, just, and hardworking person. Her involvement and passion for the club is impressive, but what’s even more impressive is her passion for dancing—something that requires incredible coordination and undeniable coolness.

So, if you like morals and people, The Obiter highly recommends showing up at Forgan Smith on Friday to witness what is arguably the most equitable AGM at UQ.

Respect!

The Obiter's Clerkship Guide

Everything you need to know about clerking not mentioned from the firm’s vision statement and that cool associate you met at the cocktail night. The investigative team at the Obiter has broken down each firm for you, in language you’ll understand.

1. Stone and Wood Mallesons

Ranked at the top of the table in all practice areas, Mallesons is the place to be if you have an interest in Soju, Tsingtao, and Sake, due to the Asian practice the firm maintains. Founding partners David Stone and Johann Wood also have the distinction of founding beer company 'Stone and Wood' in the 1960s. This was seen as an economic way of keeping the firm supplied with alcohol, with a work hard play hard culture that never stops. Interestingly, the firm maintains a Byron Bay office, popular amongst personality hires for "thong Thursday." In the Australian sense of course.

2.Thomson Beer

An upper mid-tier firm, Thomson Beer has a number of interesting practice areas for the discerning clerk. A focus on media and defamation law provide a nice change from M&A. Many of the defamation teams' clients are attracted by the reputation the firm has for proving the defence of truth. Barbara Thomson, founder of the firm, was a great believer in the power of beer to induce confessions, and a believer in hidden microphones to record them. As such, she made 'Beer' a name partner due to the amount of work it did.

3. A&O Beerman

Following a recent merger between Allen & Overy and Beerman Sterling, the Magic Circle player has a new spring in its step. Although only possessing Perth and Sydney offices, A&O Beerman retains a solid roster of blue chip clients. Unfortunately, the Beerman and Sterling crowd is finding the New South Wales night-life scene a little uninspiring, wich has impacted graduate retention.

4. Allens Drinklaters

Australia's hard-working clerks surely deserve a cold drink after a week of 14 hour days, however with the partnership between Allens and Drinklaters, the uptight British firm's culture has had an impact on the social scene at the firm, making it worthy of the name "drinklaters." However, it's never later, and the drink is never had.

5. Herbert Smith Freebeers

A top firm in both prestige and work quality, the culture at HSF has moved in thr opposite direction to that of Allens Drinklaters. Indeed, with the recent introduction of AI editors, it was considered feasible to swap the water in the coolers for beer, increasing worker output and hours, whilst also raising morale. Truly an outstanding move worthy of Freebeers.

6. White & Case

The Big American, White & Case. At first, the name seemed a bit odd in the Australian market. However, time has proven the firm to be of sterling quality in regards to its clerkship program, particularly at the Melbourne office, which features the famous "Case Race" event. Here, a team of associates attempts to finish a slab of VB before the Clerks can, which is always a close run thing. Outstanding racers in the clerk team can be sure of a return offer.

7. Carton Utz Self-explanatory.

This is the firm for you if you like all play and no work. Producing statesmen such as Julie Bishop and John Howard, the art of booze schmoozing and diplomacy is perfected at the many long lunches throughout the clerkship program. Fortunately a similar AI tool to that of Freebeers' has been developed to assist in working following said lunches.

8. Corrs Chambers Spritzgarth

A newcomer challenging for a spot in the Big 6, and a more classy sort of firm, Spritzgarth does not encourage clerks to engage in beer drinking and general tomfoolery. Instead, an approach characterised by Aperol and Campari dominates the social scene at the firm, generally served on rooftop terraces where they can look down on their former peers in the midtiers. The firm places a strong regard on academic achievement, sometimes at the expense of culture.

9. McGuinness Wilson

Founded in 1922 by Irish lawyers McGuinness and Wilson, the firm takes a rather revolutionary approach to the clerkship application process. Instead of the usual questions, cover letter, and psychometric testing, the only requirement to make it to the second round of interviews is a minimum GPA of 5. Second round interview takes place in a group setting at Irish Murphy's, conveniently located across the road from the firms offices. Aspiring clerks are ranked by pints of Guinness consumed.

10. Ashthirst

Charging ahead in the chambers rankings, Ashurst is thirsty for glory, seeking its place at the top of the top tiers. This drive for success is accompanied by a distinct lack of social culture at the firm, as reported by many previous clerks. Indeed, Ashthirst is so named due to the fact that everyone from Senior Associate down is perenially thirsty, denied even a light and refreshing summer lager. The firm is thus perfectly suited for the mooters among us.

11. G+T Gilbert and Tobin

G+T. Need we say more?

12. MinterSinkemson

One of the most confident firms in the Australian market, MinterSinkemson is reported to have a strong focus on social and cultural pursuits. Indeed, the unofficial motto of the firm is to "sink 'em son." However, with the ever increasing female presence at the firm, this is up for change to a more gender neutral term.

Urinal Chat With Boss Objectively Awkward

“Hey David, do you mind if we continue this conversation later? I literally have my penis in my hands.”

“Hey Tommy, how’s it going?” Uh oh, my boss David has just pulled up two urinals down.

“Oh hi David, yeah good thanks.”

My stream weakens and thoughts flood my head. Why is this bloke talking to me know? Can’t he give me a moment of peace? Will he think I’m less of a man because my stream just weakened?

“How’s it going with the Trenton due diligence?”

You mean the reason why I’ve had three coffees, two cokes and a Powerade, bro? The reason why I’m here for my fourth piss, bro? You think it’s going well, bro?

“It’s going pretty well, David. I should have it to you by COB today.”

“Awesome, thanks Tommy. Did you watch the Olympic cycling?”

Out of sheer protest to this prison of a conversation, my stream strengthens.

“Great race” David farts.

“Yeah for sure.”

I finally hear the zipper that signals my freedom.

“Anyway, see you later Tommy.”

“Bye David.”

I pull out my phone and watch my 37th Instagram reel of the day to wipe the memory of this interaction from my frontal lobe.

Hopefully no more to come.

Mother’s Day Clearly An Excuse To Post A Cute Pic of Yourself

It’s that time of the year again - a day to celebrate and honour the incredible influence mothers have on society and also a great time to post that really great photo of yourself you’ve been wanting to post for a while but haven’t found the perfect excuse for. 

Blocking up Instagram stories, some sons and daughters have even dug deep into the archives, finding grainy candid, and cute photos from their childhood. 

Jacob, a 22-year-old recently single student, has suspiciously posted not only one but three childhood photos on Instagram. Most close friends suspect this all part of a tactic to show potential partners that not only is he a mummy’s boy but also was a cute kid with great genetics. 

Some daughters have used today to post photos of them and their mums in matching outfits - a great chance to show followers that in 30 years she’ll still look pretty good. 

Others have definitely not cleared photos with their mum before posting, with photos circulating of mums barely with their eyes open or awkwardly cropped from the photo making up 10% of the image.

BREAKING NEWS: Obiter Comedy Debate Team Might Actually Know How To Debate

With QDU champions in the line up The Obiter might be taking this too seriously 

Having a team that actually knows how to debate has left the Obiter in a position it has never been before. 

The Obiter can confirm the lineup of the comedy debate this year includes names from the QDU hall of fame

Including, but not limited to:

  • Harry Rae (current debating coach, former school debating captain)

  • Angus White (did debate quite a bit in high school) 

  • Georgia Perry (really smart so probably did debate a bit in grade 9 just guessing) 

In the biggest debate of their career, watch these powerhouses do what they do best. Before most of them retire.

Disclaimer: in the interest of sportsmanship we will inebriate them appropriately to allow a level playing field