“Just enrolled in LAWS3700! Watch out, Labor”, announced Benjamin Buttface (Young LNP legend) on Instagram threads this morning.

Reports out of the ACT this morning have described a low-level earthquake at the Lodge. Some paps allege the PM has been found wrapped tightly in bed, shivering - presumably in fear. Still speculative - it seems he's received word that notorious Young Liberal hero, 21 year old Benjamin Buttface has announced a new academic advancement.

Now entitled to bragging rights because he's read the entire Australian Constitution in preparation for the course, the upcoming election will surely be the biggest political takedown since Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson or Donald Trump & Joe Biden.

Buttface's notoriously significant cultural influence on his own demographic (ultra-conservative university students with a deep appreciation for their mounting HECS debt) combined with his newfound political credibility, mean Australia must prepare for a totally epic shakedown in May.

"Fuck you, Anthony. Not even the radical lefties can stop us now!"

(Hopefully no) more to come.