A local funnyman and self-described ‘zany character,’ Mark Dickson (24) has just hit attending on a Facebook event for ‘Speed Dating’ at Barbara, in an act which is sure to draw laughs from all corners, in line with Mark’s trademark wacky style.

But despite all the attention and admiration Mark will likely receive as the result of this incredibly funny action, there’s one thing Mark is hiding.

He’s dead inside.

Genuinely, soulless. The last shred of caring disappeared when Ben Hunt dropped the ball in the 2015 NRL Grand Final (also the last time Mark has ever cried). Since then, Mark hasn’t felt many emotions deep inside, although if you’ll ask him about it, he’ll probably say something like ‘Yeah, I feel plenty of emotions mate - penis emotions!’

He doesn’t.

And also penis emotions aren’t a thing, what a truly lazy joke from a truly sad man.

As much as he tries to show off with hilarious acts of comic genius, like the ‘Speed Dating’ effort and the even funnier ‘click-attending-to-The-Gap-State-High-Formal-event’ scheme, Mark will unlikely be able to run away from the fact that life isn’t good for someone whose mid-tier job as a data entry specialist is the peak of his life.

Also, Mark, you’re lonely. Go to the speed dating event. Get it together.