A local nitwit has just put two and two together, making the most obvious joke of the week in a year where everyone noticed the ‘coronavirus’ sounds like a brand of beer.

David Hard (22), a Commerce student cruising into his sixth year of a four-year degree, treated himself to a little chuckle yesterday when news broke that local actor Tom Hanks, and his smokin’ hot wife Rita Wilson, had tested positive to COVID-19 on the Gold Coast.

‘I can’t believe it!’ he yelled to no-one in particular, as he sat in his bedroom vaping and watching episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine on his Nintendo Switch.

‘He’s going to have to isolate himself. Tom Hanks! The Gump of Forrest himself!’

If you were in the room next to David, you could’ve almost heard the gears in his mind working overtime. His mind scanned through countless movies Mr Hanks, searching for the joke that everyone had figured out a few hours beforehand.

As his fat thumbs stubbed their way across his cracked iPhone 5, informing his cleverly-titled groupchat ‘CoronaBoys’ of every thought that crossed his diseased brain, his mind raced faster than Valentine Holmes making a break at 1300SMILES stadium tonight.

‘Toy Story? Is there something there?’

But there was nothing there. Until a metaphorical volleyball hit him in the face. ‘Cast Away!’ he exclaimed, flecks of spit flying everywhere. ‘Tom Hanks was isolated in that movie Cast Away!’

As he informed all his group chats of his comic revelation, he rested easy. The big fella had nailed another one for that day.

More to slum.